By Allyssa Savu, Team Expansion Worker
There I was, sitting in my field supervisor’s office choking back the tears, trying to swallow that giant lump in my throat. He had asked the question I’d been dreading, the question that would force me to speak out loud my commitment to obey Christ, even if it meant sacrificing my desire for a husband and family.
Was I truly ready to go to the mission field as a single woman in my mid-twenties? Did I realize that I was greatly diminishing my chances for marriage by leaving my home country?
I couldn’t run or hide now. I had to face these questions. I choked out an answer that I hoped would satisfy him, that I knew the costs and I still wanted to obey. I think I mentioned something about trusting God no matter what.
Yet, in reality I felt like I was riding one of those amusement park rides that spins you in a circle so fast that you can’t see straight anymore. Then, as if that’s not enough, they let the floor drop out from under you so that you begin trying to remember those calculations about centrifugal force you learned in physics class hoping you’re truly going to stay pasted to the wall.
Somehow, the meeting ended and I slipped to the bathroom to wipe the mascara smears from my eyes before anyone would notice.
Soon after that tearful office meeting, I found myself living in a little house just outside of a Kansas town. During my stay in the country there I had the blessing of time and intentionality without the distractions of internet. I started spending time praying, fasting, and letting God lead me through some of those deep issues in my heart. Mainly: my desire for a husband and family.
As God and I worked through my fears, hopes, uncertainties and desires, I grew in the assurance of who I was and whose I was. I was learning to rest in my identity in Christ and the love of my Heavenly Father. When I moved out of that house several months later, I could honestly say that God’s love was enough for my heart, even if I never became a wife or mother. I sincerely trusted God’s plan for my life, a plan that would take me to a new country and continent. I was able to freely rest in the peace Christ offers if we fully trust Him.
After that long spiritual journey with God, I was fairly certain I would remain single for the rest of my life.
I had been calling Romania home for about 16 months when my pastor and his wife set me up with a Romanian guy. You see, my pastor’s wife had decided I didn’t take my single status seriously enough and she would have to help me. Of course, I had no idea what was happening or I wouldn’t have given this guy the time of day. Nevertheless, he got my attention with a sermon about why Jesus had to die on the cross. He kept my attention because he spoke differently about the orphans and Roma people. He called them friends. I had met a scarce few Romanian Christians who spoke kindly of these outcast groups, the very people for which I had moved to Romania.
Before I knew it, we were dating and my parents were talking about flying us home for Christmas so they could meet Razvan. I was ordering books about intercultural marriage and wondering if I was crazy for agreeing to this. Yet, God was giving me peace I never dreamed was possible. Peace had never characterized my past relationships. We began serving together in the village and in the orphanage. Then, one sunny day in May, I found myself standing in a villa in Tivoli, Italy looking down at Razvan on one knee holding a ring box asking to be my husband. Of course I said yes.
Marrying a national was never a part of my plan. Marriage was something I often thought about fearfully. I was certain it would be mostly difficult and only a little fun. When I thought of marriage, I thought of an uphill battle that only a few conquer, the hill growing all the more daunting in an intercultural marriage.
Yet, in our 15 months of marriage I’ve found the opposite to be true.
One of my favorite things about marriage is that I know Razvan is always in my corner. We’re a team and we get to work together toward some incredible goals. Sometimes our goal is something as simple as a clean house or hosting friends for dinner. Other times, our goal is wrangling 60 kids in the Roma village to teach them how much God loves them. Now, these goals could have been accomplished with a spouse who had a more similar passport to mine, but I think I would have been missing out on something special.
Here are a few reasons I’m grateful I married someone from another country and culture:
Expecting differences, rather than assuming similarities.
People in same-culture marriages are often surprised by their differences. In an inter-cultural marriage, we get to approach nearly every aspect of our life and marriage together assuming that there will be differences. Differences in our opinions. Differences in our experiences. Differences in what we assume is normal, right or good. We often ask one another: What do you think about this? Or How do you feel about this? When you expect differences, it’s less threatening and leaves more room for finding common ground.
Communicating in two languages, rather than just one.
I’ve yet to find a married couple who claims communicating is never a problem. I always thought that communicating would be even more difficult for our marriage. However, we get to choose to communicate in one of two languages. If one of us doesn’t understand the first language we try to communicate in, we can switch to the other language and see if that works better. That’s a privilege few same-culture couples get to enjoy. That’s not to say communication is always a breeze, but language is rarely the real issue.
Seeking God’s way instead of being comfortable with normal.
Because of our different perspectives, we often get to examine things we previously thought were normal or expected and decide if they are truly godly. When we confront an issue that is culturally different, we get the chance to filter it through the Bible instead of just through our own perspectives.
Getting to choose and blend our cultural & family-of-origin traditions into our own.
American family traditions and Romanian family traditions are not void of similarities; neither are they lacking in differences. Add the differences of our specific families-of-origin and you can come up with an abundance of varied traditions. When we decide how we want to celebrate Christmas, Easter or birthdays we don’t just go with the cultural flow. Instead, we get the chance to talk about the things we like, dislike, want or don’t want to happen in our family.
For example, Razvan is passionate about not wanting holidays to turn into a time for me, the wife, to slave in the kitchen while the rest of the family relaxes and enjoys themselves. I, however, enjoy using holidays as an excuse to spend some extra time baking something from scratch that I miss from home. So, together we find a way to balance these desires and enjoy the holiday together.
Being pleasantly surprised and incredibly grateful when things are easier than expected.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Razvan and I spent many an hour on a bench in the park talking about issues we would face in marriage: finances, in-laws, health, kids, etc. The best part, we found that we agreed and shared the same perspective on most of the factors. It wasn’t because we couldn’t find differences. Rather, it was because of our shared faith in Jesus as Lord of our life and the Bible as God’s Word. Choosing to follow Jesus makes many of our cultural differences fade into non-issues as we focus on the greater purposes God has given us. Chiefly, to glorify God, share His Gospel and make disciples of Jesus Christ.
We’re a couple weeks from celebrating our second anniversary, not our second year of marriage, but the one-year anniversary of our second wedding, the one in Romania (not confusing at all, I know.) Needless to say, there are many complications to marrying someone from another country. Yet, there are also countless blessings, and not just so I have someone to edit and correct my Romanian grammar! The greatest blessing is that I have someone who walks this life of faith with me and helps me draw closer to Jesus each day.
